Coors Not Quite

The Coldest Tasting Beer...this was Coors Light's Marketing stance for a long time, I guess before they realized that being Cold has nothing to do with taste...it is a temperature. If I have a refrigerated Bud Light and a luke-warm Coors Light that's been sitting on the counter...both taste like crap, but the Bud Light feels colder on my tongue, regardless of Coors Light being "frost-brewed."

You know your product is in dire straights when its most marketable aspect is that it gets cold when refrigerated. That's like me starting a soup company and claiming I have the warmest soup cause it's cooked over a flame. "Flame-Boiled" if you will.

Oh, and about your whole "the label turns blue when it's cold" selling point, know how else someone knows when it's cold? By touching the bottle or can.

Now, Coors Light has changed their commercials to say it's "the most refreshing beer," which is far better than "coldest tasting," but you're still banking on an attribute that is controlled by refrigeration! Everyone knows your beer doesn't taste good. And I commend you for not trying to make that claim (as Miller Lite seems content to do now). But why don't you follow Budweiser's and Dos Equiis' lead and stick to commercials that make people laugh?

-- Steve Creswick
Ad Doctor

For Whom the Bell Tolls...

Today, we'll be tackling Taco Bell's commercial for their new Pacific Shrimp Taco. But first, here's a list of things I'd do before eating shrimp from a Taco Bell.

1. Roll around naked o'er the mountains of a garbage dump.
2. Walk barefoot on a beach coated in medical waste.
3. Swim in the Ganges River.

Now that you know where I stand on their product. Let's talk about the commercial.



Obviously, I'm not the only one with reservations about buying the seafood at my local Taco Bell, otherwise they wouldn't dedicate their advertisement to alleviating fears by claiming the shrimp is of high quality. But is a cartoonishly ridiculous man, a "shrimp blogger," really the best way to get people to consider buying your product. Everyone in the world knows it's not good shrimp. Regardless of the opinion of this man who dedicates his life to writing short posts about the world's prawn population (a completely reasonable profession if you ask me.) Though I find it hard to believe he could afford to travel so much on what must be a meager salary. I mean, making money from blogging is hard enough...but when your topic is shrimp...whew...good luck.

My point is...everyone knows it comes frozen in a big plastic bag. Everyone knows, while probably safe, it's not worth the chance. Even if it won't get me sick, I'd assume they're the size of a quarter and not nearly enough to fill a 5-year-old. So instead of making grandiose claims about the quality of your food that nobody will ever believe, why not instead address the reservations that would stop someone from purchasing your new offering. Show a commercial with someone making it...or someone eating it...or someone enjoying it. Don't show me a man with a ridiculous made-up profession in ecstasy over a meal at Taco Bell.

And next time you decide to offer a seafood product, put it out at the beginning of Lent when McDonald's starts serving their Filet-of-Fish, not at the end, when Catholics are on the cusp of being able to eat meat again.

-- Steve Creswick
Ad Doctor

Fake News Program Commercials

Let me tell you something. If you advertise a product using a commercial that emulates a news program, complete with a make-up swathed newswoman singing your product's praises and the words breaking news flashing across the screen, you're hurting your own credibility. I understand that it might help your advertisement cut through the clutter of others, but it is also deceptive. And when you are trying to get people to use your product or service, the last thing you want is for them to feel tricked by your advertising. Because if they feel tricked by your advertising, they won't take anything said in your commercial seriously. Thus rendering the advertisement a waste of valuable money. I respect that people are trying to be creative and find new ways to get TV viewer's attention, but deception doesn't help your cause.

I've seen a few financial services commercials, and a cablevision commercial using these techniques. I wouldn't trust the latter anyway, but making a faux-news program that looks more like a sleazy infomercial isn't the way to go.

-- Steve Creswick
Ad Doctor

The Lunch of Champions...

While checking the Olympics for an exciting event like snowboarding or any sort of sport where I can see people jumping and doing flips, a commercial came on for McDonald's. I realize the company is one of the Olympics' major sponsors, along with Coca-Cola, and the global appeal of the event meshes well with McDonald's strong grasp over every inch of the world. My issue with the company is their advertisement.



I realize you are trying to make the most of your sponsorship by proclaiming your food is eaten by Olympic Athletes...but are people really supposed to believe that these world-class ambassadors of sports and their highly-trained physiques are fueled by chicken nuggets dipped in some new-fangled sweet chili sauce? It's insulting to people's intelligence. At least if you're going to market your meals as something a physically active person would enjoy show the salads you offer. Maybe advertise your healthy choice menu. Because everyone in the world knows that Olympic Gold is not won with Golden Brown Chicken Nuggets.

-- Steve Creswick
Ad Doctor